If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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