The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
