Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
