Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
