If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
