It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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