I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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