I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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