I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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