Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
