Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize