do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
