fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
