Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize