I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
