You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
