I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
