So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
