shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
