i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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