Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
