Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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