I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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