WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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