you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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