What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
