I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
