What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
