apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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