now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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