We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
