To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
