just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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