first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
