We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
