is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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