I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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