Pants 0. Shit 1.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
