So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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