My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
