Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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