I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
