Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
