i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night