So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
