Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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