I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
