i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize