Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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