I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
