My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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