i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
