If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
