would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
should my penis look like a turkey
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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