"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
