Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
