This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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