I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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