I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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