literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
