Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want nice things and good sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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