just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
