Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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(618): View more from Illinois

Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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(970): View more from Colorado

If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it

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(214): View more from Texas

Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...

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(757): View more from Virginia

Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot

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(903): View more from Texas

The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.

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(530): View more from California

momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...

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