For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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