Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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