Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
