I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
